These quotes don't really "go" together but I liked them in their solitary context:
"Family members must also perform work of some kind. ...how the work gets done creates attitudes children have about themselves that may last throughout their lives." (P5p3)
I definitely look forward to learning more about this. I am sure I do it all wrong. I have my kids work around the house a lot... I would like to make sure I am doing it right. Yikes!
"What we teach or fail to teach our children in the privacy of our homes, will someday have public consequences." (P7p3)
Yikes... This is kind of a frightening thought. Hopefully what I am teaching is good and don't forget too much... I guess it makes sense if we expect our children to contribute constructively to society, naturally what they are or are not taught will come through in their work.
Quote about honesty:
"...I mentioned lying would hurt him. ...I pointed out that a person who lies is cowardly - he avoids telling the truth because he is afraid of punishment or other consequences. If a time came when he needed courage to do something, he might be afraid instead of brave."
Teaching our kids to be brave would combat dishonesty. It can be hard to be honest, I like the idea of bravery as it's counterpart. :)
Friday, July 22, 2011
Chapter 1 Favorites
"The selfish pursuit of material things, the constant need to look good in order to impress others, and the persistent seeking for sensory pleasure are not the goals of people who have a mature understanding of life, of themselves, and of their relationship to others." P2p2
When I read this quote I immediately marked it as a quote to always remember. If I were a person who hung quotes around my house, this would be one of them :)
For me this was a self check. If I am going to be teaching my children about moral standards, how am I doing? How mature is my understanding of life, myself and my relationship to them and others? I can see people in my life on both sides of this: I know people who DO have a mature understanding, they don't see after the material things, or try to impress others. I see others, who are the antithesis of this.
I need to have a mature understanding of these things to be most effective in teaching them to my kids. Kids are good a deciphering when we don't live what we teach.
It goes on: "Chidlren who seek only these things are empty, and in their hollowness they find little to contribute." (P2p2) It also states "...no one has been able to help them find something of substance, significance, and true worth - something enduring." (P2p2)
These are the type of children who seek after drugs, sex and alcohol because they are "thrill seeking" looking for that next feel good thing. They haven't been able to find something of significance, so they continue to seek in all places that lead to hollowness and contribute little to themselves or society. I know I didn't choose to stay home with my kids to watch them grow up to contribute little and seek after fleeting thrills. I expect them to feel their significance in this life to carry them to lasting happiness. The holy ghost can fill that void that kids are trying to fill when they seek after thrills.
When I read this quote I immediately marked it as a quote to always remember. If I were a person who hung quotes around my house, this would be one of them :)
For me this was a self check. If I am going to be teaching my children about moral standards, how am I doing? How mature is my understanding of life, myself and my relationship to them and others? I can see people in my life on both sides of this: I know people who DO have a mature understanding, they don't see after the material things, or try to impress others. I see others, who are the antithesis of this.
I need to have a mature understanding of these things to be most effective in teaching them to my kids. Kids are good a deciphering when we don't live what we teach.
It goes on: "Chidlren who seek only these things are empty, and in their hollowness they find little to contribute." (P2p2) It also states "...no one has been able to help them find something of substance, significance, and true worth - something enduring." (P2p2)
These are the type of children who seek after drugs, sex and alcohol because they are "thrill seeking" looking for that next feel good thing. They haven't been able to find something of significance, so they continue to seek in all places that lead to hollowness and contribute little to themselves or society. I know I didn't choose to stay home with my kids to watch them grow up to contribute little and seek after fleeting thrills. I expect them to feel their significance in this life to carry them to lasting happiness. The holy ghost can fill that void that kids are trying to fill when they seek after thrills.
Un-Narrowly Defining Morality
I just want to start by saying what a fantastic job you did starting our book blog. You really set the bar high!
"Morality actually means honesty, concern for others, responsible work, and mature judgement." (P4p2)
This is a great way to define the attributes we are trying to cultivate in our children. As a member of the church, morality can be defined so narrowly as refraining from inappropriate sexual relations. (At least that is the definition that was engrained in my head as a young person.) It's nice to know we are teaching more than appropriate dating behavior. With this definition, having high moral attributes can positively effect all areas of their life. Honesty. Concern for others. Responsible Work. Mature Judgement. These values will encompass many situations in life and allow kids to make decisions that will be responsible and beneficial to themselves as well as others.
"I give morality an absolute definition: morality helps. Morality contributes to mental, emotional (spiritual), and physical well-being; it promotes general welfare. Behavior that hurts people, behavior that contributes to mental, emotional (spiritual), or physical distress, behavior that disrupts the general welfare, is not moral: it's immoral." (P9p4)
Morality Helps. Simple, yet true. It's simple enough to teach a 2 year old. If it helps someone, it's good. If it hurts, it's not good. It's a good standard to go by. Err on the side of being nice right?
"Teaching our children morality, then, requires, first, that we teach them what helps or hurts, and, second, that we teach them to recognize circumstances when helping and hurting can take place." (P13p2)
We have to teach the principle along with the circumstances. This seems to leave no room for your child to question whether or not he/she did what was moral. If they know principles and circumstances, they will know with out a doubt whether or not they acted with high moral standard. Seems like a formula set up to help our children succeed (our ultimate goal:)!
"Morality actually means honesty, concern for others, responsible work, and mature judgement." (P4p2)
This is a great way to define the attributes we are trying to cultivate in our children. As a member of the church, morality can be defined so narrowly as refraining from inappropriate sexual relations. (At least that is the definition that was engrained in my head as a young person.) It's nice to know we are teaching more than appropriate dating behavior. With this definition, having high moral attributes can positively effect all areas of their life. Honesty. Concern for others. Responsible Work. Mature Judgement. These values will encompass many situations in life and allow kids to make decisions that will be responsible and beneficial to themselves as well as others.
"I give morality an absolute definition: morality helps. Morality contributes to mental, emotional (spiritual), and physical well-being; it promotes general welfare. Behavior that hurts people, behavior that contributes to mental, emotional (spiritual), or physical distress, behavior that disrupts the general welfare, is not moral: it's immoral." (P9p4)
Morality Helps. Simple, yet true. It's simple enough to teach a 2 year old. If it helps someone, it's good. If it hurts, it's not good. It's a good standard to go by. Err on the side of being nice right?
"Teaching our children morality, then, requires, first, that we teach them what helps or hurts, and, second, that we teach them to recognize circumstances when helping and hurting can take place." (P13p2)
We have to teach the principle along with the circumstances. This seems to leave no room for your child to question whether or not he/she did what was moral. If they know principles and circumstances, they will know with out a doubt whether or not they acted with high moral standard. Seems like a formula set up to help our children succeed (our ultimate goal:)!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Teaching Morality
This quote really hit home.
"'Because I said so!', or 'it is the rule, and you know it!' are not effective defenses of a moral position."
I had a friend in High School who's parents would yell phrases like this. They were constantly unwilling to listen to her explanations or explain to her why she was being punished. I remember how demeaning it felt. She struggled a lot with the "control" of her parents, and they never had a good relationship.
"'Because I said so!', or 'it is the rule, and you know it!' are not effective defenses of a moral position."
I had a friend in High School who's parents would yell phrases like this. They were constantly unwilling to listen to her explanations or explain to her why she was being punished. I remember how demeaning it felt. She struggled a lot with the "control" of her parents, and they never had a good relationship.
Parental Role in Teaching Morality
"Parental approval and disapproval provide a child's first and most profound lessons about the moral standards of community and society."
I think we need to remember in opportunities of giving feedback, whether it be good or bad, we do it in a loving way. Whether we need to be firm or overly excited, our children will learn profound lessons if we let them. We must teach with love.
Specifically, a love and logic class taught us about responding with empathy. They gave the example of a parent who had warned the child of the dangers of falling and getting hurt in a specific situation. The child chose to ignore the parents suggestion and ended up getting hurt. Instead of using expressions like, "I told you so", or "Serves you right", or "What did I just tell you", they encouraged us to only show empathy. They recommend the phrase, "I'm so sorry you are hurt." PERIOD. End it there. No criticism necessary. An angry response will usually scare the child.
In light of a positive response, we would respond with, "I'm so glad everything worked out for you", or "I'm so excited for you and for how happy you are.". We should avoid comments like, "Aren't you glad you listened to me", or "Looks like your mom knows what she's taking about." In both scenarios, you are giving the child the opportunity to OWN the outcomes of the decisions they made.
I think we need to remember in opportunities of giving feedback, whether it be good or bad, we do it in a loving way. Whether we need to be firm or overly excited, our children will learn profound lessons if we let them. We must teach with love.
Specifically, a love and logic class taught us about responding with empathy. They gave the example of a parent who had warned the child of the dangers of falling and getting hurt in a specific situation. The child chose to ignore the parents suggestion and ended up getting hurt. Instead of using expressions like, "I told you so", or "Serves you right", or "What did I just tell you", they encouraged us to only show empathy. They recommend the phrase, "I'm so sorry you are hurt." PERIOD. End it there. No criticism necessary. An angry response will usually scare the child.
In light of a positive response, we would respond with, "I'm so glad everything worked out for you", or "I'm so excited for you and for how happy you are.". We should avoid comments like, "Aren't you glad you listened to me", or "Looks like your mom knows what she's taking about." In both scenarios, you are giving the child the opportunity to OWN the outcomes of the decisions they made.
Teaching Morality Basics
This concept seems so simple. I think it hits the nail right on the head.
Chapter One:
pg 4. paragraph 3
"Teaching morality must be an act of love, the result of wholesome and warm concern. Attempts to teach it any other way, by force or with angry threats, will so frighten or distract children that they will not be able to learn what is professed."
Chapter One:
pg 4. paragraph 3
"Teaching morality must be an act of love, the result of wholesome and warm concern. Attempts to teach it any other way, by force or with angry threats, will so frighten or distract children that they will not be able to learn what is professed."
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Bringing Up Moral Children
Goal 1: Read Preface (3p) and Chapter 1 (14p) by next weekend 7/24/11. Post at least once. You can post thoughts, questions or anything you want to remember or discuss. This will be fun!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)