This quote really hit home.
"'Because I said so!', or 'it is the rule, and you know it!' are not effective defenses of a moral position."
I had a friend in High School who's parents would yell phrases like this. They were constantly unwilling to listen to her explanations or explain to her why she was being punished. I remember how demeaning it felt. She struggled a lot with the "control" of her parents, and they never had a good relationship.
Showing posts with label Brittany. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brittany. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Parental Role in Teaching Morality
"Parental approval and disapproval provide a child's first and most profound lessons about the moral standards of community and society."
I think we need to remember in opportunities of giving feedback, whether it be good or bad, we do it in a loving way. Whether we need to be firm or overly excited, our children will learn profound lessons if we let them. We must teach with love.
Specifically, a love and logic class taught us about responding with empathy. They gave the example of a parent who had warned the child of the dangers of falling and getting hurt in a specific situation. The child chose to ignore the parents suggestion and ended up getting hurt. Instead of using expressions like, "I told you so", or "Serves you right", or "What did I just tell you", they encouraged us to only show empathy. They recommend the phrase, "I'm so sorry you are hurt." PERIOD. End it there. No criticism necessary. An angry response will usually scare the child.
In light of a positive response, we would respond with, "I'm so glad everything worked out for you", or "I'm so excited for you and for how happy you are.". We should avoid comments like, "Aren't you glad you listened to me", or "Looks like your mom knows what she's taking about." In both scenarios, you are giving the child the opportunity to OWN the outcomes of the decisions they made.
I think we need to remember in opportunities of giving feedback, whether it be good or bad, we do it in a loving way. Whether we need to be firm or overly excited, our children will learn profound lessons if we let them. We must teach with love.
Specifically, a love and logic class taught us about responding with empathy. They gave the example of a parent who had warned the child of the dangers of falling and getting hurt in a specific situation. The child chose to ignore the parents suggestion and ended up getting hurt. Instead of using expressions like, "I told you so", or "Serves you right", or "What did I just tell you", they encouraged us to only show empathy. They recommend the phrase, "I'm so sorry you are hurt." PERIOD. End it there. No criticism necessary. An angry response will usually scare the child.
In light of a positive response, we would respond with, "I'm so glad everything worked out for you", or "I'm so excited for you and for how happy you are.". We should avoid comments like, "Aren't you glad you listened to me", or "Looks like your mom knows what she's taking about." In both scenarios, you are giving the child the opportunity to OWN the outcomes of the decisions they made.
Teaching Morality Basics
This concept seems so simple. I think it hits the nail right on the head.
Chapter One:
pg 4. paragraph 3
"Teaching morality must be an act of love, the result of wholesome and warm concern. Attempts to teach it any other way, by force or with angry threats, will so frighten or distract children that they will not be able to learn what is professed."
Chapter One:
pg 4. paragraph 3
"Teaching morality must be an act of love, the result of wholesome and warm concern. Attempts to teach it any other way, by force or with angry threats, will so frighten or distract children that they will not be able to learn what is professed."
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