Un-Narrowly Defining Morality

I just want to start by saying what a fantastic job you did starting our book blog. You really set the bar high!

"Morality actually means honesty, concern for others, responsible work, and mature judgement." (P4p2)

This is a great way to define the attributes we are trying to cultivate in our children. As a member of the church, morality can be defined so narrowly as refraining from inappropriate sexual relations. (At least that is the definition that was engrained in my head as a young person.) It's nice to know we are teaching more than appropriate dating behavior. With this definition, having high moral attributes can positively effect all areas of their life. Honesty. Concern for others. Responsible Work. Mature Judgement. These values will encompass many situations in life and allow kids to make decisions that will be responsible and beneficial to themselves as well as others.

"I give morality an absolute definition: morality helps. Morality contributes to mental, emotional (spiritual), and physical well-being; it promotes general welfare. Behavior that hurts people, behavior that contributes to mental, emotional (spiritual), or physical distress, behavior that disrupts the general welfare, is not moral: it's immoral." (P9p4)

Morality Helps. Simple, yet true. It's simple enough to teach a 2 year old. If it helps someone, it's good. If it hurts, it's not good. It's a good standard to go by. Err on the side of being nice right?

"Teaching our children morality, then, requires, first, that we teach them what helps or hurts, and, second, that we teach them to recognize circumstances when helping and hurting can take place." (P13p2)

We have to teach the principle along with the circumstances. This seems to leave no room for your child to question whether or not he/she did what was moral. If they know principles and circumstances, they will know with out a doubt whether or not they acted with high moral standard. Seems like a formula set up to help our children succeed (our ultimate goal:)!

Teaching Morality

This quote really hit home.
"'Because I said so!', or 'it is the rule, and you know it!' are not effective defenses of a moral position."

I had a friend in High School who's parents would yell phrases like this.  They were constantly unwilling to listen to her explanations or explain to her why she was being punished.  I remember how demeaning it felt.  She struggled a lot with the "control" of her parents, and they never had a good relationship.

Parental Role in Teaching Morality

"Parental approval and disapproval provide a child's first and most profound lessons about the moral standards of community and society."

I think we need to remember in opportunities of giving feedback, whether it be good or bad, we do it in a loving way.  Whether we need to be firm or overly excited, our children will learn profound lessons if we let them.  We must teach with love. 

Specifically, a love and logic class taught us about responding with empathy.  They gave the example of a parent who had warned the child of the dangers of falling and getting hurt in a specific situation.  The child chose to ignore the parents suggestion and ended up getting hurt.  Instead of using expressions like, "I told you so", or "Serves you right", or "What did I just tell you", they encouraged us to only show empathy.  They recommend the phrase, "I'm so sorry you are hurt."  PERIOD.  End it there.  No criticism necessary.  An angry response will usually scare the child.

In light of a positive response, we would respond with, "I'm so glad everything worked out for you", or "I'm so excited for you and for how happy you are.".  We should avoid comments like, "Aren't you glad you listened to me", or "Looks like your mom knows what she's taking about."  In both scenarios, you are giving the child the opportunity to OWN the outcomes of the decisions they made.

Teaching Morality Basics

This concept seems so simple.  I think it hits the nail right on the head.
Chapter One:
pg 4. paragraph 3

"Teaching morality must be an act of love, the result of wholesome and warm concern.  Attempts to teach it any other way, by force or with angry threats, will so frighten or distract children that they will not be able to learn what is professed."